Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
