i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
