paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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