and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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