JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How does it feel to date your dad?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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