1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
