can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
