It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
