i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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