Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
