You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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