how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
