my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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