Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
