It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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