My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
