Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
