I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Mom said you looked used
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
