Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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