its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
