So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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