he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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