We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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