when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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