Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
