apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize