I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
