Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
