Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize