dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
