also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
