I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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