One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
