i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
