Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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