TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
