I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he thought i was a dude.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
