her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
