you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
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