i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
