do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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