He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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