she looked like the bat from fern gully.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
