I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
