Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
