Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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