so explain again why im purple
no
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
