Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
