I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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