i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
