I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
