think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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