I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
