Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
