My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
