The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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