I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
