Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
