The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
