the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
