After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
