imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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